i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
