so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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