Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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