I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
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Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
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Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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