Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize