My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
