You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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