I wish my penis had an off switch
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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