I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
