This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
