Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
