Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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