he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
