But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
