i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
