Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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