Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
