it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I am available for nakedness
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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