and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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