I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
