I'm lost and stupid without you.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
