He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
