Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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