he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
