Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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