The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
