there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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