Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
