It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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