The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
