Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
sarcasm needs its own font
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
