Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
