i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
