We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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