so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
