Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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