Nicole vs. Life
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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