Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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