I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
