She is in my trunk
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
