i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
