I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
