You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Randomize
