You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
