I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
