btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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