Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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