what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
