just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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