the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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