Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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