also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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