The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
