By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
