She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
