guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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