Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
is it fun? or sober?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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