I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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