So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
