If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
