I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
