I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
