He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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