Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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