I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
