So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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