You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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