How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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