wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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