Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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