his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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