this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
