I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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