Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
