I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
